we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
2:29 AM
19th
it was her 7th day. the last before her age will be defined in weeks. then in months. then in ordinary years. but today, she is 7 days old. funny thing is, it's also my birthday.
i wonder if she will like her birthday. it's strange, but we never had the luxury of choice around these special days. i remember my primary school birthdays fondly. it's tucked in the middle of june holidays. i never got any of those plastic wrapped bunch of candies. or a class sing me a birthday song. or any friends wish me happy birthday. heck, or any friends.
i wonder if she will like her birthday. because i did. i loved my june birthday because it would have hurt more if i were in classes and people forgot. or ignored. primary school days were deservingly painful - i jumped on mud and onto my classmates' white coated bata shoes; i strode around with the perfect blue prefect sash chasing mates out of classrooms during recess; and when they refused, i used broomsticks to lift girls' skirts.
i wonder if she will like her birthday. few used to remember mine. there were no facebook reminders in those days. i recall only one sweet girl wishing me happy birthday. it was primary three, at a science camp where we just met. i wondered if she still remembered.
i wonder if she will like her birthday. and then i stopped wondering.
she will. and it's down to us to make her.
the voices in my head-
Thursday, June 12, 2014
11:00 PM
The First Cry
the last i checked, the time was 2139hrs. it couldn't have taken more than ten minutes. i remember the doctors were still asking one another if they have had their dinner, and where they were going for holidays. i remember clearly an angry part of me wanting to shout out to them - asking them to concentrate, asking them to watch those scissors. yet vaguely there was another relieved part of me - sighing in comfort that these doctors were routinely taking their walks in the park.
"a little more dear, i'm going to push down now" our pediatrician said, his grey fringe was the only feature unmasked.
and then it happened. the doctors were suddenly silent on dinners and vacations, a flurry of metal and hands. then our gynecologist from the other side of the cloth sprung up, his narrow eyes widened in excitement as if he had just hijacked the present from chimney valve. and i couldn't quite figure why, but it was then that the nurses midwives aestheticians doctors exclaimed at the same time.
but i don't think i heard much of that. i only heard a little cough. it was a gentle "uuk" thrice, as if to avoid choking on something - before the first cry filled the room. i looked up and squinted through a strange puddle. and then i saw her, the second love of my life.
the voices in my head-
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
11:30 PM
Wheels in Motion
Thank you for your message. I am out of office until 27 Jun 2014.
If you need to contact me urgently, please call my new-born daughter at +65 9876 5432.
the voices in my head-
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
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