we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Saturday, August 31, 2002
7:27 AM
Teacher's Day
I went back to Chinese High yesterday. Somehow, as i trudged along the corridors, memories of the days of yore gushed back like water spulging from a broken dam. Passing the tower block, i could still visualise Ang Lai Chiang, in his usual posture, with two arms stretched out like outspread wings, trying to graphicialise y=sinx , with aid of WeiJin at times doing his up-down Indian dance. Not forgetting the porky Mrs Sow who gets so infuriated at me and yuji and yuda whenever we sit together, occasionally jolting a "Nu Fa" or "Chong Guan" at one another.
I recollected further, and blurs of sec 3 days begin to swirl round and round. Still remembering the start of the year, kevin and yuji were wishing their condolences as terence and i were about to become classmates. Reputed to be an assholic gangster, terence and I nearly had a brawl in sec 2, and it would seem no different in sec 3. Bracing myself for the worst, the contrary occured, and not only didn't we fight, we formed a clique which still went strong today. Oh, and i still remembered the first step i took towards building a friendship with solomon: offering a mentos. followed by letting him copy my TingXie (which was wrong btw). Soon following the wacky class were a chain of events ranging from gambling to fighting, and inevitably followed the chain of punishments ranging from a threat of public caning; to standing on tables with fans whirling 3 inches above heads; to shoes hitting heads for a minute and a half; to standing above side cabinets with your body so contorted you qualify for Alegreia.
Recalling further were my lower secondary days. We were then an overwhelming display of innocence (yes, i was once angelic too) and freedom, with zeroth workload piling over us. We rummaged every crook and cranny of Chinese High, and kicked chapteh as if there were no tomorrow. We discovered our talents, enhanced our skills, and as Sok puts it, enriched our lives. From the atheletic aspect to the sexual aspect, lower secondary days were the phase of new-horizons exploration.
Anyway, we crapped the usual crap, and it was an interesting observation to note that farand and darren has officially shot over Ang Lai Chiang. Surprisingly, the inerts of eegofreakz turned up too, nevertheless still silent thinkers. Half a year has yet to changed many, Darren still as loud as ever, Yongfeng still as "eh"-y as ever, Pak still as [bleargh] as ever, Xiaozheng still as lipy as ever.
After an hour of conversation which sparked many "pak sucks" and sprained ankles, we headed for PS to catch Unfaithful. It was decently undecent, and midway, Gabriel just couldn't take it anymore and headed for the toilet, not returning till the show ended.
We then played Warcraft 3 for an hour before gabriel and I shared a cab to Daniel Tan's party...
Fuck. Pardon the profanity, but farking me lost $10 in mahjiong in less than 3 hours. Oh, and it was positively cute to see Weian acting half his age after downing 7-8 shots of 40% vodka. He collapsed, picked himself up, collapsed, and red like a lobster, his mouth unleashed buckets of nonsense which would swipe Darma and Greg off the shelf. Oh well, all in all, i returned home at approximately 2am in the morning and awoke today at 1pm. It was great fun. I love teachers. Or rather, teacher's day.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
7:43 AM
|nGk3naWa, the contrary.
I feel weird. Very weird. I think its the contradictary mugging spirit in me unleashing brutal blows to my outgoing self. Fuck. Oops.
the voices in my head-
Friday, August 23, 2002
9:10 AM
~püRfeeeCt tOdaY~
Murphy's Laws:
a) If anything can go wrong, it will
b) If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then
c) If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
d) If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
e) Mother nature is a bitch
Begging to differ, perfect today contradicted all laws of murphy.
Lessons were supposed to morph into visits to dreamland since i'd only had forty winks the previous night, yet not one tutor screwed me, figuratively that is, not physically too of course, and i was left in utter peace.
Oh, and i came into school with a possibility that i could face disapprobation for skipping chinese lesson the previous day, but somehow, lai's lying tongue lied passed my CT and i escaped unscathed.
Playing basketball and risking unpunctuality for Reading Period Session, i could have faced 4 possibilities: Made to stand in front of class exposing clothed butt, CS essay writing session, Suspension or Expulsion. Naturally, with murphy in action, a fifth possibility emerged when i least expected it: No punishment.
Everything seemed to be going well, and as optimist murphy puts it, i must have overlooked something. Strangely, nothing was amiss unless you counted the fact that i only realised the uncle cheated me with a pepsi when i asked for a coke, after i had finished the drink.
Clouds were swirling as i stoned through my 4:30 CLAO lesson and basketball seemed to be on a knife's edge as grey cumulonimbus patched the vast spaces in the sky. But Mother nature's a bitch, and bitches don't cry, so basketball still prevailed eventually.
All in all, Murphy's Law's nothing to worry about, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
8:40 AM
aWak3n|nG, the aMüGGer|nG
Rejoice, for i've been sleeping less in class these days (though some might beg to differ), and yes, i've launched myself deep into the pits of the mugging marsh. I've never mugged so hard in my life before, not even during last years preliminary examinations nor Os. Closest situation similar to my present frenzy i can recollect would be the time i had the vocals of DianaRoss wafting into my ears with 8 books of ChiYuShouCe by my side.
Inevitably, my phrensy for work has frightened many. I came online today expecting to find a crowd of 69ers tired from training sessions, but it seemed that each and every dude and dudette was distanced from their computers, tugging at their (head) hair at some unsolved mathematical mystery.
Three weeks ago, online-ality would be my first priority over her, followed by friends then basketball then the expansion of my social circle. Now, its plainly mugMugmUgMugmuGmügMugmuGMuGMUG. Somehow, an unfamiliar sense of satisfaction tingles within my soul upon completing tutorials or even copying lecture notes. And then, this sense of satisfaction morphs into a sense of belonging, and it seemed hard at first to part with these assignments. Plucking them from my file, whether to hand them in or to loan them to peers, it was as if a chink of your soul had been deposited at the fists of someone else's. Exaggeration aside, i was still pretty worried when Mingwei misplaced his file, only to make his expectant discovery hours later, with my Intergration Tutorial within.
As a philosopher named pringles had once said "Once you pop, you can't stop", mugging brings about an realm of emotions i've never experienced before. The sense of belonging, could be likened to getting attached the first time, when someone literally belongs to you. The sense of satisfaction sparks the fiery desire for an orgasmic accomplishment, and as it glows and burns within you when the assignment is filed, you moan in pleasure as a warmth overwhelms you.
Alas, this warmth could lick chinks of my soul gradually, then faster and faster until the inferno engulfs my entire body. The Valhalla Rising would be near impossible to control, and i would lose all focus in life. I would no longer mug to live, but live to mug. And thats why i need to stop. i need a break. i need a kit cat.
I'm the Kit. Pass me a puss.
the voices in my head-
Friday, August 16, 2002
8:06 AM
- enters with one of those rare true grins -
Yeah! Finally played for hcjc basketball against unity secondary in a friendly today. We trashed them by 30 points with a fantastic score of 56-28... Downing 2/4 shootouts on top of numerous spins and weird shots that somehow managed to find its way into the hoop, i added 12 points to the scoreboard c",)
Oh, and guess wat? Out of the 5 quarters, i played only 3 quarters but excessive use of elbows, knees and headbutts spiralled me to the throne of Top Fouler of the day, with 7 fouls in less than 30 minutes of play. They were perfectly innocent tactics, but the referees had their whistles glued to their lips and i had to fit a mask of innocence on my already-innocent face to avoid being sent off the courts.
But oh well, 12 points and many many rebounds! And we won, we trashed, we steamrolled their asses! WhEeEee...~!
- exits with that same silly old grin -
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
8:12 AM
Red Dates
I know i stand in line until you think you have the time to spend the evening with me
and if we go some place to dance i know the ...
... i love you, i love you, i love you~
Robbie Williams, Something Stupid.
the voices in my head-
Monday, August 12, 2002
9:47 AM
The Voices In My Head
To write this blog is to relive today. And to relive today is to wreck myself with dementia and entangle my four long limbs into the Pandora's box. Alas, I have to write it, because i know it would be a relief, as if something poisionous would be extracted from me. It would cost me every bit of determination, yet i know when i'm done, i would feel better...
I awoke in the morning, with a terrible dream. I remembered putting my hands together and praying, half trying to forget the dream, half trying to hold onto the images of the vaguely swirling figures, but it was like trying to keep water in cupped hands, the vivid details were trickling away as rapidly as i tried desparately to hold onto them. As far as i could remember, it either involved a funeral, a breakup or my death.
A kind of numbness and a sense of complete unreality lingered upon me as i made my way to school, and the sudden dawning of chemistry test made matters no easier. All seemed well and matters took an upturn when we were supposed strip Seowhong. Alas, my day took the plunge when i squeezed a portion of toothpaste onto his belly, he was indeed displeased, and naturally kicked up a fuss. Attempting to silence him with an ill-concealed stare, he met my fatal stare and like that butthead he was, refused to bulge. Like that equal butthead i was, i refused to bulge either and we both ended up in a brawl.
Silly as it was, i still see no reason behind this incident. Strangely, we both sat down to talk after that morning exercise and he told me that the cause behind this was the applying of toothpaste. I guess it was the differing opinions of two individuals from different poles of the planet; I, who had thought that tomato sauce + gorang pisang + curved ruler + oily chicken at privates were no big deal, in contrary to Seowhong's, who believed that toothpaste was a little too far. All in all, the brawl was settled within a period, and goodness knows how life for the both of us carried forth as though nothing had occured at all. Agreed we, two lions can never thrive in the same pasture, but one of us could be the majestic lion, another a stately leopard.
Alas, I hate to admit, but i wasn't me at that point in time. A fury coursed through my veins as though i was pitched back into the days of desmond and richmond, the days of sandra and benson. I was blinded by a heartless fist, heartened by a puny opponent, spurred by an adrenaline rush. I lunged mercilessly, whilst Zhizhong nor Disheng could do nothing about it. They held onto a deranged delinquent, but to no avail. All they needed was a cry of her name, or cher or mel or rain or tien or shortpal or gab or anything, but they pitted muscles against brute force instead.
I'm thoroughly disappointed at myself. This is the 2nd out of 3 new year resolutions i had broke, one being not getting attached till 6 months had passed, 2nd being not fighting with anyone. Of ancient past, i fought over hundreds of dollars with my Godfather Desmond, fought with my all-time fighting pal yuji every year as part of an undying tradition, punched that whatever-his-name guy on the bus, oh, and of course not forgetting getting into an ugly scene with a junior over a LAN computer. Stupid as the latter sounds, nothing could beat fighting over colgate (fresh mint, for lasting confidence). i'm upset, i'm disappointed, and i have yet to cook up a convincing tale to coax myself to put it as past. Yes, in my opinion, i think toothpaste on belly is no big fuss, and Seowhong was wrong to return my stare when he ought to shut up, but if one were to scrutinise my mood at that point in time, it can be fairly conclusive to diagnose me with dementia. and if that were the case, i was at fault.
Sorry Seowhong then, for you are the enemy i fought, my friend.
So ends the beginning of the day, and what followed was the beginning of the end of the day. Mingwei and i proceeded to KAP at 10pm for dinner and we chatted about girls and guys, studies and play, moods and foods. We bitched, gossiped, but he had inevitably struck me with a realisation that i could be living a lie. People ain't nice after all, i just looked at the polished mahagony in them and blatently ignore the sore nail-laden timber standing erect beneath me. Life's ain't such a happy place after all, it was all just a masak masak swivelling in my head. I wasn't a happy person, i just thought i was happy.
It all boils down to how one lives his life: a frog in the well with only flies and a pretty froggress beside, or a frog outside the well with frog-eating eagles, frog-eating cats, frog-eating humans, frog-eating everythings to care about.
Some say, wisdom is everything...
Ignorance is bliss, i say.
the voices in my head-
Friday, August 09, 2002
7:03 AM
Happy National Day
God bless Singapore, for it has been founded on 9th August. One day later and today's public holiday would be wasted on a Saturday.
Nothing much happened today, in fact, nothing happened today at all. I had my aWak3n|nG at 12:30, with my stomach rumbling so hard i'd bet my bed turned into an instantaneous vibrator. i grabbed a hasty lunch before returning to my air-conditioned room to attempt my differentiation tutorial. After 3 questions, i dozed off amidst the wafting vocals of celine dion. Believe it or not, i slept the afternoon away despite clocking more than 12 hours of dreams the previous night.
My 2nd aWak3n|nG struck me at 6:30, and i hastily downed my dinner before taking on my half-completed tutorial. Giving no farts nor burps to the national day parade, a feat of intense concentration overwhelmed me and i was torn between amusement and surprise when i filed in my completed tutorial approximately 5 minutes ago.
Indeed, it's a happy National day. The air-conditioned company would have earned more than 8 million dollars today if each and every citizen of singapore had followed my schedule.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
9:41 AM
Mission Impossible 3
SWAT Squad Members: Major Me, Soldier Seowhong, WingCommander Weiyang, Elite Engkeat, Coporal ChangU, FrontLiner Frederick
Aim: To escape the torturous CT session, evade capture of enemy scouts (otherwise known as teachers) and reach checkpoint coronation unscathed.
Mission Details:
1:50pm
It was a bright sunny wednesday afternoon. The SWAT team was off for a top secret mission to infiltrate coronation under the hawked eyes of enemy scouts. Major Me, by far one of the more experienced elites who have carried out such missions many a times, decided to take a longer but safer route via the rock climbing landmark. Defying direct orders, SWAT splintered into two factions, one consisting of Coporal, Frontliner and myself. We went out tiptoes, Frontliner leading the pack, while Major Me maxmising the potential of my height and attaining a panaromic view of enemy scouts.
2pm. Route Clear. We trekked down an unnaturally mudpath (commonly known as bukit timah road). With full gear and all, it was a weary task, and a rush of relief overcame us when the target destination was in sight.
2:04pm Alas, as we approached the junction before SPC, enemy scouts hit upon a stroke of luck and they descended onto us with a APC (commonly known as Assholes-Packed Car), with 4 chemical warfare enemy scouts (chemistry teachers, fyi) within. They beckoned to us but we blatently ignored them, forcing a 90 degree diversary tactic to confuse the enemy scouts about our target destination.
2:05pm Upon turning right, we evaded the APC, but a long-fringed enemy scout was in sight. Spotting a blue shirt, Coporal ChangU had deduced that he was Jerry Tan, one who would not report our locations to the enemy headquarters. Nevertheless, Frontliner Fred and myself was in no mood to risk a face to face confrontation, and we turned tail and headed for the overhead bridge.
2:10pm We reached the safehouse (the bus stop opposite hcjc) and we swipped out our cuttingedge-technology walkie talkies (otherwise known as handphones) and keyed the morse codes of the other SWAT elites' contact numbers.
2:11pm high frequency conversation in progress
Soldier Seowhong, "Tiger Lee (The code name for a high ranking chemistry warfare enemy scout with a face resembling a prune with its water content vacuumed out) spotted. Evacuation In Progress. Current location being target destination's NTUC."
Major Me, "Pull out. Pull out. Enemy Scouts swarming target destination. Full retreat!"
Soldier Seowhong, "Head for base one. (hcjc, otherwise known as HwaChongJuniorCollege, one of the finest institutions in Singapore), call off everything. Mission aim in jeopardy"
Major Me, "Do not, i repeat, DO NOT head for base one. Both base one and target destination are seized by enemy scouts already, meet opposite target destination."
2:15pm
My platoon flagged a transport bus and alighted opposite the target destination.
2:20pm
No sign of other platoon.
2:25pm
We attempted contact, but failed. Walkie talkies received no response, we feared the worst.
2:28pm
Soldier Seowhong, "All is lost. Tiger Lee had confronted us three about our mission. Names have been taken down..."
Major Me, "Sigh, so what are your eventual plans?"
Soldier Seowhong, "None, but we're eating now."
Overview: Mission Aim was achieved, part of SWAT indeed arrived at target destination. Nevertheless, the key term in the Mission Aim was conveniently overlooked: unscathed.
Conclusion(s):
Mission Failed. Big Time.
the voices in my head-
Sunday, August 04, 2002
8:19 AM
On )@(^@)(*&^%)(!*^
I am typing this in a rush coz it is 44 minutes to the next day and i have to go to school and i still have three math tutorials and two lecture notes to copy and four chemistry tutorials to do and physics tutorials to photocopy from the start of the year and of course i still have my CS essay to rewrite coz it was deemed inappropriate. Fuck.
the voices in my head-
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
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