we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
7:34 AM
Random Musings
kelvin asserts that its emotionally, mentally, physically, politically and morally incorrect to pick money from the floor, when you have no inkling whom it belongs to. to substantiate his point, amanda concurs. but (hopefully) like the rest of the 4 billion people in the world, i beg to differ.
victoria frightened me awfully with her blog post about how people were interpreting every vivid detail of my blog. i must insist that much words in this blog is mubberishgubberish, and one's level of intellect needs to be of an assified calibre to savor the full blossom of my posts.
i had the weridest of dreams today. i dreamt of sex. not ordinary sex of course, rather, i dreamt of ordinary sex in an extraordinary way. this time, i was the penis.
lily june's penis to be exact. yet before i could relish the intensity of such a nightmare, i was fortunately awakened by a terrible cramp on my right thigh, only to hear lily june ramble on beneath us during physics lecture.
in other news, i can officially dunk on the first court. its terribly addictive, i must admit, and it inexplicably inflates one's ego to the size of a creature from the Mesozoic era. perhaps i would increase interest rates to curb the inflation.
and i was just wondering, if gossips and rumours can really bring people together.
the voices in my head-
Monday, July 28, 2003
9:08 AM
Tribute to the Canoeists
once upon a time, there were 3 mystical creatures. they were black as coal, with husky biceps the size of elephant's asses. one of them was a fuzzy wuzzy bear, with fuzzy wuzzy fur; the second creature was a cheery black mass, with a pretty face which shone and looked like the glistening moon; while the third was a dark angel, eversweet now bitter, everdark now darker.
one day, these 3 divine creatures were taking a stroll along the jungle trek. actually they were treading along a murky river but since i am the omnipotent writer i want to speak of jungle treks now. so there they were, strolling by the jungle, when allah be damned, they entered into a forbidden marsh. all of a sudden, several things happened at the same time. tropical fruits, namely a pineapple, durian and jackfruit hit them in their faces, they tripped over a curly wurly vine and a log appeared out of nowhere, swinging wildly into them. they were disfigured beyond their healing aptitudes, and each divine creature suffered twisted necks and limbs, all of which hanging limply like ejaculated anatomies.
in desparation, they tried to get out of the forbidden marsh. yet, the more they tried to struggle out, the further they slumbered in. in fact, not only were they not advancing, they were moving backwards at an astonishing pace! the task seemed utterly impossible, even though they were garnering every ounce of their brute strength to grovel out of their misery. their limbs were working overtime, hitting out furiously at the murky waters to propel them forward, but they merely spiralled further and further into the pit of death. in resignation, they then looked at each other, and realised that each neck had been severely twisted such that they were facing back instead of the future.
with that, the fuzzy wuzzy bear struck out at the other 2 divine creature's necks, whence soonafter, their necks were where they were supposed to be, their eyes were facing where they yearned to behold, and they paddled out of their misery in ease. and of course, the 3 divine creatures were the greatest of friends thereafter, having lived through an ordeal worse than getting squeezed between an elephant's asscheeks. and, they lived happily ever after.
the voices in my head-
Friday, July 25, 2003
9:52 AM
Dementia
8am, and so i heard,
four couples broke up, boy and girl.
far yet near, two elderlies died.
near yet far, someone committed suicide.
1pm, and so one remorsed,
the canoe teams lost.
very best they gave, both teams tried.
yet so, many someone(s) cried.
4pm, and so we went,
magehaven to mug.
6pm, and so we left,
feeling all so fucked.
9pm, and so we cheered,
yet the sky began to tear.
11pm, and so we feared,
Dick emerged the one to jeer.
1130pm, and so mum crapped,
mugmugmugmugmug she nagged.
12pm, and i was shagged
half of me was nearly mad.
1203, i walked into my door
1204, a bruise appeared on my jaw
1205, i wonder whats in store
and if tomorrow would bring more.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
8:53 AM
A Day At School
everything i had lived for, is plunging down downer downest. i still cannot fanthom why our government has to impose such torturous examinations to tear our chirpy happy lives apart. even basketball is losing its appeal, it's an insult to play the game with a prodding thought at the back of your head, reminding you of the mountainpile of tutorials each time the thud of the ball sounds. demon hunters and blademasters no longer beckon, as we had already lost one another amidst the jungle of notes, beneath the shadow of prelims. how i miss the times we'd camp out at magehaven whacking each other off his hypogriff, how i miss the times we choke and gag at those O_O from afar.
everyone is getting a little cranky as well. sudden mood swings aplenty, unless you tell me menstrual cramps are contagious. people disappear so quickly they would put david copperfield to shame, while each and all consumes merely knowledge for breakfast lunch dinner. smiles are wanked on the endangered species list, while an effervescent laughter can hardly be heard during classes. these days, i can only give two farts and a burp about skipping lessons, as the sentimental old fool in me had already kicked the bucket, and no one ever bothers its the last hundred days we would spend together as a class.
i think i should set my rabbits free one day, along with the class hamster. they really are poor little creatures indeed.
the voices in my head-
Monday, July 21, 2003
9:36 AM
Dybbuks
have i met you before? i think i had.
it seems to me i had met someone as i was speaking to xiaoyuan at the class bench today. shrunk under a terribly boring monday, i saw him ramble on and on, apparently only half conscious of what he was saying. and right before he could stop himself from blabbering about how Mr Bronomachimkambei got beaten up five years back, both of us smiled. and to think he was actually proud of it.
have i hated you before? i think i had.
it seems to me i had hated him the moment i saw him twirl from vague mist into defined pixels, right before my eyes. and to see him overcome me, i think i have realised why my hate is so intense. i suppose it ain't all about hating Mr Bronomachimkambei, but more of hating him who had hated Bronomachimkambei back then. i suppose mr airy caring happy fairy had all his anger bottled up, and the angst i accumulate each day goes somewhere some time. so unjust of it for you to bear the full brunt of my accumulated fury, which could or could not have been your fault.
but as it always seems, its easier to hate you rather than what had been me. so there.
the voices in my head-
and of course, you asked for it.
the voices in my head-
Thursday, July 17, 2003
8:27 AM
On Rabbits
i was feeding my rabbits today. they were two big snowy rabbits. they're fluffy little things to play with, despite the fact that they roll on their shit pretty often. so anyway, i was feeding them carrots out of a blue bucket today, but today something happened that has never happened to me before.
the rabbits snatched the carrots and stuffed them into me, and i kicked the bucket.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
6:29 AM
Economics Class
the classroom was swelteringly hot, and blastingly humid despite the aircon. i could hear the distant rumbling of the construction site while i recognised a perfume scent wafting from the back. my head swam as my eyes gazed upon my deserving failure mark, and my chin shifted automatically to the eeves of the table. there, the cooling fan of the air condition played across my face. it was extremely soothing.
i watched lazily as mr issac koh let fly his arms all over the whiteboard, sketching elaborate diagrams after complicated formulae which made no sense at all. it was wonderous how ancient economists could evolve a basic concept of Demand = Supply into a complex issue of monetary policies and ad valorem taxes. but i wasn't listening, i could only hear chengping shrieking behind, while shirley was at her element. the perfume scent washed over me, and the breeze from the air conditioning unit grew steadily into a cold blast of air. my eyes began to droop...
the night was cold, and a distant rumble indicated the swirl of an impending storm. we were stranded at the bus stop opposite west mall, her snowy face glistened with the cold rain. and like that sentimental old fool i was, my heart longed to embrace her, to un-lash the words i lashed out blindly. fortunately, the gift of my speech evaded me and i only found my arms around her before boarding the bus, without a backward gaze. it was then that i realised the extent of global warming, even the raindrops were hot.
someone's voice rang behind me. i snapped out of my reverie, and jumped upon my feet. i tried to hold back the dream in desparation, but i might as well have cupped water in hands. and just then, someone knocked me over my chair, and all was dissolved into a million shattering bits of economics.
the voices in my head-
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
9:42 AM
Withdrawl Symptoms
quitting is harder than i thought, i was pretty sure i saw a demon hunter when this j1 guy held up a pair of frisbees and i swore mike yam must have either blinked or teleported when playing one on one.
in retrospect, i realised a great bundle of nerves had somewhat overwhelmed me at one point or another these days. i had done things without much consideration, and i had spoken without much thought. maybe in time to come, i'd have thanked God for whom i had been, as it unfurled the true me at such impulse moments, allowing others to understand how i had truly felt.
to whom it may concern, i want you to know i'm sorry and even if i had somehow lost you amidst those words, it wouldn't have mattered to me, for at least now, you know, i know, we know.
on a lighter note, sok sip bing vernon kelv rach shirley came over earlier in the day. the class hamster scuttled and struggled and hassled and hustled from palm to palm, and sok conveniently toppled its entire cageful of sawdust, food, shit and all unto my floor. then we took an oath of utmost secrecy before plunging into a game of truth or dare, before climaxing with a pillow fight where my spectacles sprouted wings but nonetheless, the vision-impaired triumphed over the height-impaired anyway.
it seemed only yesterday when we were so carefree. i still remember the days at jelita where we gossiped away, couples unattached now separated. i still remember the days at the spectator's stands where cherie mel jill vincent and i were brooding over appeal forms, yet we're right about to leave the schools we painstakingly shuffled ourselves into.
amazingly though, i felt like a j1 today.
the voices in my head-
Saturday, July 12, 2003
11:11 AM
Rain
disclaimer:
and by this, i meant weathery rain.
i never thought i would hate anything more than integration, until today when the rain killed everything. the surge of anger and frustration bottled upon 6 hrs of eager anticipation crumbled into flakes of disappointment.
it was supposed to be an enjoyable day, a hoopla beneath the hoops beckoning to the bballers and i. yet i could vaguely remember waiting and waiting, for the 3 on 3 competition to continue, but we were toyed like little pawns upon a checkerboard, as the curtain of rain swept across the island sporadically, wetting the courts. then i distinctly remember myself waking from an oddly positioned siesta with jianming on my leg and mond on his crotch, only to hear that the competition had been postponed to next saturday. i stormed off, a cold fury lining my eyes, and what little rationale that was left told me it wasn't anyone's fault. but the all too familiar emotion had overwhelmed me yet again, and i heeded nothing but hotheadedness.
Waking 10 hours later after sleeping away the peak of an inferno, i realised that this time though, i had 7 other guys waiting alongside me.
i hate waiting.
the voices in my head-
Friday, July 11, 2003
9:04 AM
Matters that matter
Each day, striding out with two red bills
returning only with tinkling cents, pockets unfilled
it matters when you're boosting magehaven's business instead of your daily meals.
Each time, friends hover about, waver around
yet their presence i just can't savour
it matters when you're seeing blademasters amidst my dearest friends.
Each night, divine religion looms overhead
but i pray upon the frozen throne instead
it matters when you're visiting the lich king more than God himself.
and i know something's amiss when a tinge of guilt pricks me whenever someone asks what i'd be doing after school
and i know something's really amiss when i'm sacrificing the court and the hoops for mere clicks and screens
and i know something's really really amiss when someone tells me i'm in love with warcraft more than any other girl
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
8:58 AM
Ladan and Laleh
i remember praying for them the night before. goodness knows why, i don't even know them, but their funny accent and grinning faces seemed to strike a chord in my heart. of course they would pull through, the wonders of medical technology these days surpass even my wildest imagination.
and then they died. i know not why God refused this totally unselflish prayer, but the more i thought of it, the more i realised, that life ain't lost by dying; its lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
the voices in my head-
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
7:01 AM
on transmogrification
i feel like a baked cookie, one that is hotly crisp from a microwave rather than the conventional oven. its so hot within, and i'm peeling like some ancient pineapple tart. flakes of my face are disintegrating into a gazillion bits, and i wouldn't be surprised if my eye clanked onto the floor in the middle of the night due to the lack of skin that could hold it in its socket.
i've been going out for six days in a row, having great fun and awesome people all around, -takes a deep breathe-
the gossip sessions the attempted shopping the basketball games the marche the water rugby soccer volleyball cycling the search for nemo the corybantic neoprint shots -exhales-
to whom it may concern, thanks.
and just when i'm getting used to it, so it all ends tomorrow. like the snake peeling out of itself, its inevitably back at the spirit of muggixsm.
the voices in my head-
Monday, July 07, 2003
7:54 AM
On Sentosa
I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen,
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.
I lay beneath the sun and thought
of all that i had sought
of bloodred roses and cupids
in winters of frozen rapids;
Of twirling sands and twigs
in summers that there were,
with a curtain of rain and a leaning fig
and hair upon my face.
the voices in my head-
Sunday, July 06, 2003
7:37 AM
Growth
i think i'm suffering from puberty yet again. not that hair is sprouting at electrifying rates, but my mood swings are totally unpredictable since the fall of block tests 2. i could be totally hyperactive and grinning from ear to eye at one point in time, yet i could turn fiery and cold in the next instant.
of course, i must have been disillusioned by that fact that undoubtedly, its the last stretch of hols before embarking on the route to the As, and as little sentimental creatures humans are, we should spend every little minute together as a class before we split ways. but indeed, as puberty brings about physical growth, i guess i have matured mentally too. after all, adults don't turn schmaltzy and i ain't about to get moonstruck once again.
there is a perculiar moon hanging in the sky tonight, its rounded upon its right side but the left is cleaved off so magnificently it resembles a glaive. the sky is spotless, without the tiniest trace of cloud, and the moon sticks out sorely like a morning erection. its angelic whiteness pierces into my room like a cupid's arrow, but the underlying murky paleness wafts stubbornly in the air. i peered closer, until my nose gently prodded my window, and i realised it looked like one of those cookies i had baked. for her.
but of course, as i lay my head back onto the cushiony pillow while popping part of a 3 metre gum down my throat, i pretty much hate cookies now.
and, i don't believe in stereotyping love mates. stef insists i adore people without glasses, while sean bai dug up his icq history to prove that i loved short girls. well, there once lived a weird boy with a creepy name. actually, it is more powerfully dealt with if the character were a man, but since i am writing this in enid-blyton-styled, a boy he shall be.
so back to the story, he had an occult pair of spectacles too, almost always entangled with his uncouth hair. not forgetting he had this supernaturally long nose which sprouted the finest strands of gooed hair. and, in his class existed this girl. this very pulchritudinous bitchy girl with assets so voluminous HL and magnolia would have gone out of business. amidst the social stigma that nerds can't date flirts, and bimbos can't date nice guys, they got together and gave birth to two very pretty pigs, but they lived happily ever after.
some things change, and some things don't. i knew it had to be silly old melanie kiang when i heard "weijie" from the front of the queue. and before i knew it, two shrilling creatures came bubbling about, as effervescent laughter rang in the air. but some things do change, and i know i must, for though both tears and sweat are salty, they render a different result. tears get me only sympathy; whilst sweat might get me changed.
for the better or for the worst i know not, but as growth looms like an impending storm, i must adapt or perish, now as ever. the moon is beautiful tonight.
the voices in my head-
Friday, July 04, 2003
11:42 AM
hoi polloi nexus
i realised that everyone is linked to everyone these days, you're either her boyfriend's gay partner's fifteenth auntie's dog's neighbour or a churchmate's pastor's mistress's third daughter's boyfriend.
so i decided to link up every little homosapien i've come into contact with, starting from my ex and present class. if you wouldn't have liked to be linked up, or violently detest your link description, feel free to hack into my site.
and of course as i promised, thank you fangxi.
the voices in my head-
Thursday, July 03, 2003
10:30 AM
In Tribute
You came into my life, just a month back
Slowly yet steadily, unwavering like the impending mist
You saw, what ran through my heart
And without a thought, took it all.
Upon a thunderbolt, streaked across the crimson sky
You, powerful yet gentle, like a morning kiss
And i eschewed my all, shunned my likes
In the fleeting thought of mere you.
I poured my hours into you
As the sun rose beyond the boundless horizon
Like my seemingly endless love for you
Till the moon unclouded before my eyes.
In utter nakedness, i poised my soul
At the hellish library, scorching class benches
Yet the thought of you would strive me on
Like that embrace you gave a year back.
I love you my dear
And i gave you my all
Of course, you took gladly
With a swish of the hair beneath a curtain of rain.
But today, in utmost pity
With a fart, two burps and a brobdingnagian cackle
I whipped out my pen, and a sharpened pencil
And pierced every living cell out of you.
in loving memory of block test two, 2003.
the voices in my head-
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
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