we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Friday, May 28, 2004
9:29 PM
Will you marry me?
yes, i do.
and now, i proclaim you head and ache.
the voices in my head-
Saturday, May 22, 2004
2:53 AM
Little Thinking Things
Ode to my PS
i caught troy last bookout. it was a romantic tragedy, or rather a tragic romance. archilles is a dickhead, no doubt, but that garguguhectar, heir prince to troy, is a bigger dickhead.
why challenge a fatal challege? why fight a lost fight? honour has often been used to mask stupidity, but the first script lines of troy lingers long in my mind "would you choose to live a life of honour, where people after your time remember your name, and the people after spreads your glory, and as the winds of time rustle upon your dust, your name remains crowned on the hall of fame", and the irony of it all as archilles lie defeated with a humble arrow snug in his heel, it ends with "and now, the people will say, i live in the time of archilles, or the time of hectar". how bloody noble.
this exact same train of thought smacked me when my sergeant asked my opinion about a crowd grenade drill; that is, to cover a live grenade with your helmet and lie atop amongst your platoon of comrades. i won't, obviously. in fact, God bless me with the first ticket to aus should there be a war here. screw "i live in the times of waikit", and apparently, everyone feels that way too.
and thats the difference between ancient greeks and modern singaporeans, or perhaps, thats the subtle difference between the movie screen and the cosmic play we create.
and so thats what i believe in. there's nothing much worth dying for in this mortal world; honour, morals, love, beliefs, religion can all be bundled into one shellscrape and buried with the back of my boot.
rather, we live for them.
---
Pop
Ever had the little twinge of dejavu, followed by a sudden chill down your spine and then your body just freezes in half fear, half anticipation for what that follows?
i get this all the time. everything on this enchanted island had been planned from the day we arrived. the timetables, the sergeants, the tests, the food, the drinks. what goes in must come out, indeed, the SAF plans our shit as well.
its a tuesday afternoon. i look forward to my paddlepop icecream.
the voices in my head-
Monday, May 10, 2004
3:52 AM
Field Camp
Day One: camo cream wasn't very fun. but i learnt that green and black makes a very disgusting brown.
Day Two: my first contact drill. proning beside shit isn't fun.
Day Three: i can't stand the rations anymore. its always glutinous chicken rice, followed by braised chicken rice, followed by more glutinous chicken rice, and more braised chicken rice. it ain't as nice as it sounds. so i sat down, took the biscuits and fruit bars rations, and survived on them for the rest of my time.
Day Four: my second contact drill. proning atop an ant hill gives a hot sensation between your legs, but strangely enough i did not erect.
Day Five: my first fart! but i refused to dig my own hole to shit.
Day Six: i've definitely lost weight, i feel that when i jump, i can stay in the air a few seconds longer than when i've started.
Day Seven: my piss is brown. my shit is rectangle-shaped. and i'm as skinny as a skinny dickhead.
and so it ends.
the voices in my head-
Saturday, May 01, 2004
2:00 AM
Green
i can't believe i'm going to spend the next two years of my life spending 5 days of a week in a starched green costume. and yes, i meant costume. the SAF is one gigantic cosmic play that the ministry directs, with colonels no different from the bearded KFC and the hierarchy of authority beneath wielding power to confine, convict and confuse similar to that of a primary school prefect with harmless weeny dickheads.
we do stupid things everyday. throwing away divine drumsticks because we had to fall in by the next minute. throwing up in the inhuman hours of the morning from grotesque water parades. throwing in a little "chee bye"s to exemplify the magnitude of our statements.
just the same, i'm happy. because a stupid person doing stupid things wouldn't know he's doing stupid things, till he's done with it. but just when you thought its just that, behold the worst, the inevitable wait. at the firing range. at the grenade assault course. at fall in parades. seriously, you may scratch your hairy head and ask ain't the SAF's supposed to be all efficient and such?
oh yes, but its so efficient its inefficient in itself. i was once the platoon IC, and standing amidst the sergeants and officers in the coy office, i overheard the OC disseminating the fall in time at 3pm. so i glanced at my watch and i heaved a sigh of relief as we had 45 minutes to change out of our green costume to a PT kit, and just as i thought i could run up for a quick shower, the OC repeated himself, "3pm guys. sharp." by sharp, the officers commanded the platoon sergeant to had their roll count by 2:50, and by sharp, the platoon sergeant gave an instruction to individual section commanders to have their men down by 2:30, and by sharp, the section commander had me to fall in the platoon in 10 minutes.
and so begins the wait for half an hour.
its like this everyday. who in the right mind would stay stationary like an erect dick for half an hour without a twitch or sneeze? but its okay, though we ain't supposed to move in the file after we've fallen in, no sergeant can confine me for that small beautiful thing thats moving in my mind.
the voices in my head-
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com