a W a k 3 n | n G *

Tuesday, February 27, 2007
2:33 AM

XpresSupper

delivering dim sum off Geylang!

yeah. i'm finally working to be my own boss.
alas. earning a margin of 15 cents.

it can work out. it will work out, it must.

the voices in my head-

Sunday, February 25, 2007
11:32 PM

Struck

disclaimer: the following (rare as it is) involves brain juices dedicated to a religious matter. it is of personal opinion, and to whom it might offend, do not read on.

last semester i took FNA1002. financial accounting of the utmost torture. i studied very hard though, even did every little question at the back of each chapter to build my confidence. and you guys know that crunching moment when you finally arrive at the total assets, and quivering like a duck's penis just before it is slaughtered, you flip the page and see if it balances with the sum of total liabilities and owners' equity.

and of course, it doesn't balance does it.

its just like profound mathematics. when you differentiate the sum of the product of two variables, where one is the tangent of a quadratic function, and the other is the integral of a trigonometric three-dimensional graph, and then you form the null hypothesis and prove to the ends of the earth that you have a number on the calculator and not some MA error.

and of course, one would probably be praying these moments that the marks allocated for working outweighs the final answer.

so what if i tell you that, a professor unknown from MIT or harvard or stanford or upenn or NUS for that matter, sends you an identity-authenticated SMS in the middle of an exam which comprises of both a financial accounting balance sheet and a NJC-worthy mathematics question.
and lo and behold, the message conveys an answer to both questions, reasonably tackled, and yes, appropriately fit.

would you take the answer?

i was in church today, and this simple analogy stuck me. many times, i had been asked why i am a christian. why i have a faith. why i believe.
and today, it is upon reverend benson's sermon that i finally realised why.

sometimes, humans seek the unreasonable in faith. humans grind the bible in bits and question the physics behind the parting of seas, study the chemistry of the sea where Jesus once treaded, and demand that every little thing be answered in intricate detail.

you do not have a faith because you know the bible inside out, neither do you have a faith because you foolishly follow the word in ignorance.
you have a faith, because you chose to believe.
the choice to believe is a simple one, there need not be verifications or justifications. it is quite aptly, like love. there had not been a reason to love, it just happens. and perhaps quite so, belief is love.

and so i thought.
doesn't it seem that the matters of the world are far more complex than a balance sheet or null hypothesis?
doesn't it seem that God is to be deemed a more apt professor than any other?

would you take the answer?

i did.

the voices in my head-

Wednesday, February 21, 2007
11:34 AM

Year of the Pig

many times, we hit a little wall in our faces and instead of saying ouch that hurts, we bend it the other way and console ourselves with i hit myself to see how strong that wall is.

its just like, how i told zhizhong last night. that guys have had the knack of getting together with pretty things, but we would never admit, tongue bare in hand, the cause and effect of beginnings and ends were the root of beauty. never, not once. it would always come to the line that, yes she is a nice girl. blatant liars, all of us.
its just like, how i had failed my expectations. and no, it would never had been the fault of procrastination, nor laziness, nor lack of intelligence, nor mismanaged time. ah yes, dota would have been the cause. or my red carpeted friends of the highest echelon in fuckmanship. or perhaps even more aptly last semester to blame would be peter and pan. convenient reasons would come by. where reasons had conveniently mis-replaced excuses in lack of all due respect.
its just like, how i would always be bestowed with a streak of luck and charm, where charm as an adjective by itself supersedes its own noun, and instead of tapping me on the shoulder congratulating me on my 19856th banluck while whisking a bit of luck off my back, people would frown and a tad of jealousy and suspicion hovers.

there was one girl who had quite blatantly asked me what those three meters on my panel meant. of course, i could rattle on about the vacuum suction from the extractor to muffler, or the voltage stabiliser to gauge the circuitry of the LEDs, or the air fuel raio which would hang precariously at rich whenever the ignitors activate, but truth be told, they hang like earrings off the ear, nothing but cosmetic and weight.
and so i told her, hadn't there been in life, so many things that had no use but you had them anyway. and hadn't there been so many things that you desired, but just couldn't have had.
she turned silent, and so did i.

funny ain't it. the girls came visiting this new year and i realised that amidst a japanese doll, a droopy purple and a late housefly, there still lingered a constant thread of memory that was hastily stashed away whenever it neared surface. there will, always be that.

in other news, i had a hell ride on my lancer last night. 22:08, a moment well defined.

the voices in my head-

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
4:04 PM

Beginnings and Ends

there once a wrinkled gramp who practised his taichi
amidst rain or shine, be it sandstorms or snowfall
no matter of companion or a subtle mien of solo
weekly tuesdays are his eager ardent fav
a break off lessons, cuddled nap till three
never needing to wake both sleepy grumpy
jokes amiss while rushing to and fro
undeserving of the love poured upon he from u
now i shall, ask a second time, with a :)

would you be mine.

the voices in my head-

Thursday, February 08, 2007
11:30 PM

LocksmIth

it was a dream upon a tender friday of early morn. and i was bewitched in this yellow blue village, of all professions God bestow, a bloody locksmith.

there too, if i do recollect in appropriateness, existed a grey fat koala. he was a stupid little thing, living in a well, a deep damn thing that had water up to its neck. each monsoon the bricks would flood and jets upon jets would hit him while all he could garner is a groan and moan.

it figured that it wasn't the tides of monsoon to blame, for there were touchy factors like the precipitation and sunshine. and one fine day, a passing toyota vios skidded the path of this deep damn thing and a horrible drift it was. books flew files flew, and i swear upon the boobs of the prostitutes in phillipines that a diamond-studded clothes peg flew out.

down down down it dropped, the deep damn thing and plonked, and the koala looked at it in fancy.

of course, what could that poor locksmith do. he drinks from that damn deep thing each bloody day. it had been a nuisance enough hadn't it, the koala already getting on his nerves, sings like a croaking toad and snores like a choking joke.
this in discount to each monsoon which drives the koala into greater sprees of croaks and chokes, now with all glamorous royalty this clothes peg endangers the life of this poor locksmith. robbers. burglars. kidnappers. and what say you.

fucking nuggets. what if that toyota vios turned about and decided to ram right into his delicate little deep damn thing!

he might just be drawing water then. hadn't there been enough accidents in recent times?

its too complicated for the poor locksmith. he goes back to his tools, and smile in murky retard to one whom understands, and to one whom he might trust, his keys and the lock.

the voices in my head-

Friday, February 02, 2007
6:33 PM

Still

the red carpet of the sixth floor, three big one small
one bothered about whom to ask for a dance
one bothered about how to sleep with a lawyer
one bothered about competition on and off the court
one bothered about selling flowers and chocolates
one bothered about the monsooning season
one bothered about his puffed up ankle

the silly girls around the globe, one big all flat
one bothered about her lawyerish conscience
one bothered about her engineered queens
one bothered about her dancing cheers
one bothered about her cheering dance
one bothered about her prime minister
one bothered about her african paganello

the faraway boys of faraway land, all small in relative
one bothered about his career switch
one bothered about his weakening morphling
one bothered about his hot new date
one bothered about his three point range
one bothered about his new cool style

but it all fades in comparison, doesn't it.
when you hear of a passing, so near to heart.
it was monday when i waved a hi
and two weeks back when i took his tile and smiled
nine bamboos i remember, and thirty dollars richer

death most resembles a prophet who is without honour in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people, but your passing will bring apt reminder to the little things that bother us, and we will pick these pieces in your tribute and in an unwavering faith, smile a little ray of sunshine.

if it should be, as Albus Dumbledore once spoke, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. you know, the stone was not such a wonderful thing. as much money and life and you could want! the two things most human beings would choose above all -- the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.

in peace tread on your next great adventure, we will miss you.

the voices in my head-