we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
1:49 AM
It
i can't wait for it to come, for it to pass, for it to end. i desire it, beyond the touch of lust. i crave it, beyond the thoughts of depth. i seek it, beyond the seas of knowledge. i want it, beyond understandable love.
and i ask you, do you know what you want?
because my it is not a tame thing. and i fear, beyond the darkest deja vu, that i do not know what it might be.
the voices in my head-
Thursday, November 23, 2006
9:12 PM
Whites
the past months have been quite destabilising. its as if the hospital had waved a wand of beckoning, and i was carried by four basketballers with a limp knee askew, and wheeled out with crutches for the following weeks, then my mother went in with a routine checkup only to exit with an impending major operation, and in the midst of it all my grandmother slipped and fell and had thirty stitches up her ancient skin.
and now a distant old lady with the helm of a commanding officer has fallen grace to yet another hospital visit. i shall keep her in my prayers.
the voices in my head-
Friday, November 17, 2006
2:10 AM
There Was A Boy
and the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
the voices in my head-
Monday, November 13, 2006
10:39 PM
Dot A
hadn't it been enough on the platter?
don't think so much. just feel.
tragic ain't it, that feeling is for the kids. i have outgrown feeling. its time, you silly, to start thinking.
which perfectly justifies why i should break my warcraftIII CD into smillitons and boil them in a froth to keep me up all night. dota is unfeeling me, but mind you, i've been thinking if the viper should go straight for its Black King Bar or settle for Power Threads.
the voices in my head-
Sunday, November 12, 2006
11:43 PM
Silent Pride
i lost myself halfway in the second last MNO lecture on saturday when i received yet another message from a little girl, as my thoughts fluttered from the animated canadian lecturer to somewhere beyond the dark dark clouds these days.
and i thought. what had i ever been proud of?
basketball champions. that thundering crowd amidst toa payoh stadium could still be heard on silent days, and the glory reigns on. that gold trophy in full galore on the topest of shelves at my room, and the championship aura still swirls whenever the team of giants saunter down any street. but what were we actually proud of? ask any, and it would have been the route, the path embarked to mark us as a coincidental victors over the busted, the sweat blood scar tears. we had been proud of the trophy the aura the attention the glory, but what lingers on was the experience. the silent pride.
talentime champions. the glare of the hwa chong auditorium still hurts on dark nights, and the grandeur lives on. that gold goblet in hark beauty beside the championship cup, and the sweet memory still beckons whenever ban shou ren plays over the radio. but what were we actually proud of? ask any, and it would have been the days, the nights practised to mark us as a fortunate winner over the loser, the apprehension excitement tension embarrassment. we had been proud of the goblet the applause the cheers the fame, but what lingers on was the experience. the silent pride.
so don't seek the world to be proud of you, because the greatest pride lies within. the greatest pride emerges when hours of choreography and practice transforms seven basketballers into champion dancers. the greatest pride emerges when months on the court and off the game builds a team so strong a friendship so deep. it had never been the medal the goblet the trophy the jersey the applause the attention the aura the glory the fame nor the game. it had never been depended on any other, the silent pride.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
4:16 AM
Closer
i saw an ant today, stuck on a giant web. the huge ugly spider came sauntering by, and she struggled. a face so resolute, her fists half clenched, and a tinge of determination in the voice never heard before. the silky web hovered precariously, but it just wouldn't break. it would, most tragically, never break.
why would one wish to hear something that would hurt so badly?
the voices in my head-
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
2:00 AM
EegoFreakz
my last of tuitions perhaps, has drawn to an end. the O levels chemistry/physics papers looms over like the swirling haze. and i wonder if Jonathan Ang is performing in the Artics, playing the piano backwards, and i wonder if Darren the short has finally broken out of jail, and i wonder if Dalglish has finished reading the dictionary twice over, and i wonder if Colin has perhaps finishing writing his bible. weren't these the people i had blogged for? wasn't this the class that had been so intricately linked by words off the web?
not you, nor you, nor you. so pardon me if i don't even turn my ass to how you should feel about my life.
in other news, i am peeling like an onion. the mask worn to the rest of the world was long abandoned. now even the pieces of pretence amidst the close friends are splintering apart. you pry open every part of me, but at least its fair.
and yes don't you worry. one day i shall find that person whom i can sit quietly beside and feel as if i had the best conversation ever.
the voices in my head-
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
11:32 PM
Sore Ree
was i perhaps, a little too harsh. on one that wasn't mine?
and then it struck me. that i was treating the present as past, she as her, now as then, and it got me more infuriated by the second. it had taken years for the water to mould the bay, yet i run a bulldozer through the beach expecting it to be carved as understandably beautiful.
my only saving grace was the keeping of my word, and the true blooded bohemian running his fingers over the black and white of the piano, loving her come what may. loving her by letting go. a tinge of perhaps fading, dissolving and slowly it too will go.
they say mornings define the day. how apt. to have slipped on the fucking rain and strained once more a tender pain. and to be bloody drenched, soaked through, the 52 fucking steps of business school.
i shan't run conscience on waters and nannies juxtapose under neath.
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
thwacking me at icq 46472685
wanking me at wouldyouliketogooutwithme@yahoo.com
slurping me on msn, friendster at laiwaikit@yahoo.com
spelunking me at www.elephantorgy.com
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