Goodbye
We’ve all
had our fond memories of Ah Ma, and I am blessed to be raised by her for the
first few years of my life. In all these years, I loved and learnt many
things about her, but today I will share three that touched me deeply.
I was five perhaps.
Those were the days when I loved all things sweet. Ah Ma would buy tubes of
Yakult and told me to drink only once a day, because that’s what the television
says. So I lied to her, and told her that my Snoopy kindergarten class teacher
said I could have up to 3 a day. Ah Ma trusted me. And I drank to my heart’s
content and I drank to my stomach’s diarrhea.
As I grew
older, I looked back at this and it defined me – not in the number of Yakult
bottles I down each day, but rather the fact that I shouldn’t take advantage simple
and trusting people.
The second
thing I love about Ah Ma is her insistence in all things. You know, I never ate
with her – cos she always wants us to eat first with all the dishes laid out.
Ah Ma would only come to dinner after we’re done. But if we think about it,
these dinners are the highlights of her day. Chinese New Year dinner is the
highlight of her year. But she’s happy, just seeing her loved ones happy.
As I
graduated out of school, there were 3 loves-of-my-life that steered me to where
I am today. Career – in the work I love. To live – for the people I love. Ah Ma
didn’t need to tell me that, but I just knew it would have been her counsel.
Lastly,
there was a child in Ah Ma. We hardly see that, because Ah Ma loves to put up
that brave front. The brave front that I’m talking about, was the fact that she
loved me to visit, but whenever I did – she would say "很晚了, 你先走吧", "你还没有吃, 你先走吧" or her favourite, "你的车优惠券时间到, 你先走吧"
But I saw
that childlikeness in Ah Ma when we last went out before her fall. It was to a
church dinner, when I forced her to wear a dance hat. Some of you may have seen
that picture which I carried in my wallet on the table. She fought hard not to
put on that hat, but when I finally shoved it onto her grey hair, she gave a
meek smile. It was with this same meek smile whenever she describes to Wanjun
the adventures we had twenty years back – of how she carried me 15 flights of
steps when the lift was broken and how I tried to climb off her back because I
knew she was tired, and of how I kept a little treasure trove of Andy Lau
celebrity cards in her cupboard even when I shifted out.
It was the
little things that made Ah Ma happy, and it was these little things that define
my relationship with Ah Ma.
As we
celebrate our yesterdays with Ah Ma, I have begun to accept that there are
tomorrows worth celebrating as well.
I received
the call from my dad halfway across the world, to learn that Ah Ma had passed
on. I was angry, why couldn’t she be taken after my wedding? Did You know how
much she wanted to see my get married? Or even – why couldn’t she be taken when
I’m in Singapore? But through that 30-hour journey back to Singapore, I still
had questions. But they had changed.
I now ask, "Ah Ma, 当你在那里,你讲英语或福建话?" and "Ah Ma, 你在天堂多大年纪ah?"
I received
some encouragement the past days that people never really pass on. They live in
us, through us and with us. It is my hope that I will not take advantage of the
simple-minded, for Ah Ma taught me so. It is my hope that I live for the people
I love, for Ah Ma taught me so. It is my hope to chase the little things of
life, for Ah Ma taught me so.
In closing, I
believe God has His time for everything. In problems too difficult for me to
comprehend, I just need to trust. There is going to be a longing, but at least I
know – there is now one more angel looking down at me.
Ah Ma -
这次 ,你的车优惠券时间先到,
你先走吧. 一定要好好照顾自己,吃多多. Ah Ma 拜拜.