we cannot change the cards we are dealt,
just how we play the hand.
Monday, September 27, 2004
3:41 AM
On Army
people have often asked me why i seemed so i-dun-mind-ish when it came to being in the Green Force whilst others just seem to squint in muted agony at the thought of it.
i tell them about interesting chinook rides, wild escapades from recee missions, or even first sergeants who might have had a tag proclaiming Ruler Of The Universe, but its actually quite simple.
you're either part of the problem, part of the solution, or part of the landscape.
and, a true soldier's always part of the landscape. there's nothing much to grouse about, is there.
what could be better than slouching in a hidden cranny in the bunk, having a corner eat you up, and earning 75 cents an hour.
the voices in my head-
Sunday, September 19, 2004
5:19 AM
Pain Planes
you're leaving on a jet plane
why, i ask. are you insane?
no no. you say, sweet and tame
tears welled, still going all the same
the beginning, do you remember?
young and tender, p school peers
little did we have to cheer,
with hate and anger thats for sure
then came the time of oh-hello
casual waves of hi and smiles of so-so
then time came of morning milo
and on a hot day, a jug of solo
rude snides, pig calling, times of ignore
days so pissed you showed me the door
but then you realise, you miss me ever more
the waikit, lame shit brown and tall
now the time comes, its clear and plain
you're leaving on a jet plane
why, i ask. are you insane?
and then we realise, with a slight jolt of pain
we'll
miss
you
babe.
the voices in my head-
Sunday, September 12, 2004
3:20 AM
Corners
are so frightfully enticing, i noticed.
its little things like that that keep my mind going a little, like that electric iron they clamp onto a neardead casualty. as i say, the helmet is a good human invention, just like pornography, intent to deceive the bearer into greater safety yet providing nothing but degenerative effects. and so each day, i become more stupid. and more stupid. and more.
and as i were saying, corners. everyone in the army loves corners. people fall into a file at the corners of it, even if it didn't made sense... in the hope of a possibility to pace the platoon. as little corporals like us congregate, each of us attempt to squeeze ourselves into a corner, wishing upon a fuck and suck for the two walls to devour us, so we could pass time without being seen, without being noticed.
on another note, everyone is flying off. perhaps its the time of our lives where mothers donned wings onto us, and like caterpillars out of a cocoon, we morph into something else. something more beautiful. more free.
change happens, and if we can't change change, we have to change our attitude. that was something at least, that i had learnt from being interact club president, as Ms Vivien Sim (then my teacher IC) forced me to memorise when speaking to Mr Goh Chok Tong about the changing syllabus of The Chinese High. and so, people would now go all head-low, balls-drooped, chests-sagged, eyes-teared about he and she going, some never coming back, some coming back all changed, but what happens happens. and wala, nanny nanny poo poo, no one can do anything about it. so instead of getting all worked up and depressed, to whom it may concern. its about the times we shared and the bonds that we had, and these will never go away.
and lastly, its been nine months. no, i'm not going to go into labour any time soon, but sadly, these things i just can't find the right words to mend into something as beautiful as you darling.
so let me just say that i'm this little bird, who has had stale grass and wheat (SAF issued) to nibble upon the past years, and now i'm presented each day with a feast of beef jerky and lamb kebab.
burp.
it never gets enough.
the voices in my head-
i love my girl. a love so beautiful, symmetrical, tangible
God loves me. a love so great, unconditional, real.
my life in a nutshell. working towards loves of sorts. beautiful, symmetrical, tangible, great, unconditional and real.
a page, deliberately left blank.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
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